Dating for Dummies

Oh the things I’ve learned here in New Zealand! We were invited to a Stake YSA fireside last Sunday and not knowing the topic we decided to attend. Haha were we in for a surprise! The entire fireside was dedicated to dating etiquette (a nice follow-up for the YSA discussion we had on dating just the week before…) To tell you the truth, it was the longest fireside I’ve ever been to! Not because it was a difficult topic, but because it really did last for two and a half hours! It ended with a card to sign up for group blind dates with explicit instructions as to how to rate your date afterwards. Unfortunately we were not able to do it because it required the frequent use of a cell phone, something that’s only a memory these days. Oh well! 

The whole thing was exceptionally funny because we came on this study abroad being told that we were not allowed to date at all. So here is what they taught us! It was both really funny and very informative. The first part was about general dating and they showed us a slideshow with ten basic tips. The second portion was all about communication: how to tell if someone likes you, how to act on a date, and how to catch someone’s attention. I have to say that the second part was my favorite. It was just really funny. I also think some of it’s kind of useful…so I’m sharing it all with you. Enjoy!

10 Tips for Dummies:

1. Encourage “mission” before “fishin’”

This doesn’t require an explanation, does it?

2. Make your list and check it twice

Almost every girl I know has a list of what they want. They told us that we need to make lists that consist of things like character traits and important things you’d like in the man you’d want to marry. They said to set standards, just not unrealistically high.

3. Build your profile

Essentially this means that you’re making a name for yourself with every date you go on. They encouraged us to try to make every date the best. They told us that people talk and the word gets around, so the better the feed back, the better the reputation. Other suggestions on how to build your profile were:

• always stay positive
• learn to cook
• get an education
• serve in your calling
• be approachable
• enjoy life
• tell your parents about who you’re dating

4. Make it simple, cheap and heavily populated

No one expects expensive dates! They told us that expensive dates are especially tricky because it creates a sense of obligation. It doesn’t have to be elaborate either. Something easy and original. Originality always counts.

5. Date=Mate

In New Zealand mate means your friend. They emphasized that simply because you go on one date it doesn’t mean they want to date you. There shouldn’t be any strings attached.

6.YOU are the key!

They reminded us that it’s us who has control of the situation. We also determine how attached we get.

7. Let’s get physical…NOT

Pretty self explanatory…

8. Avoid the “10 second rush”

I think most people can guess what this is also. They told us that ten seconds can change your life. You have ten seconds to make a choice and they suggested that you use them to get up and move instead of making a mistake.

9. Don’t park in the dark

Very simple. They gave us a good quote to go with it:

“Joy in the morning is virtue in the evening” –Russell M. Nelson

10. Fulfill your dream

The “dream” is essentially what most all of us hope for. To get married to the right person and sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. They told us to not let bad decisions and careless choices get in the way of those things. It’s not worth losing a life long dream in the midst of “a ten second rush”.

The next part of the fireside was one of my favorites. We discussed how to communicate effectively and not just through conversation. We talked about how to read body language and how to send messages out ourselves.

Communication/ Body Language Tips

1. Smile…not the creepy stalker smile

2. Make eye contact while talking to them! (If it makes you uncomfortable you can do forehead, shoulder, shoulder, nose) ((We also discovered that looking at that mouth works as well when we were asked to practice it on one another. Brittany couldn’t tell I was watching her mouth as she spoke, so it must be alright, right?))

3. Mirror body language/vibe- if they are relaxed, you be relaxed as well.

4. Face them- where their feet are pointing, that’s where they want to go. (Who knew feet were so telling?)

5. Pay attention to them!

6. TURN YOUR PHONE OFF (or at least ignore it…)

7. Have a good conversation! The purpose of conversation is to build common ground. They said when having a regular conversation on a first date to follow these guidelines:

• keep it light
• don’t bring up controversial things like politics
• don’t bring up ex’s

They are Not interested if…

-their arms are crossed (guys will be high and tight)

-they look around at others

-they check watch

-they tend to look at floor

-when in a group of 3 or more and they don’t include you in the conversation

            *I think this last two could also have to do with them being shy…so you have to                          use your best judgment

And now, my favorite part of the fireside: hahah

For Girls: How to Make Yourself Available

-Give them “the look” (less than 5 seconds and no more than twice) Basically, “the look” is eye contact, a quick smile and the turning away. You need to do it twice so that the guy doesn’t just assume it was coincidental.

If he looks at you funny then he’s probably not interested. But if he nods it’s a good sign. And if he comes over that’s a really good sign. Hahaha at least that’s what they told me at the fireside!

            *This really works because my roommate, Brooke, unintentionally did it to a guy                         at the grocery store.

-Avoid the packs. Apparently men do not like approaching a group of girls…so somehow you’ve got to find a way to be alone. Haha the woman told us that when you see the guy you want to talk to leaving the room that you suddenly become thirsty and go to the hall to get a drink. Or suddenly you’re hot and need some air. Whatever it takes.

-Ask them random questions. There’s no attention getter quite like asking them about the color of their toothbrush.

-Compliments. From what they told us, those go a long way.

-Make friends and end things well. This will help both you and the guy

-Have confidence. They said confident people are like magnets. And if you look around…it’s really true.

-Don’t lower your standards but be realistic. Don’t wait for someone who doesn’t exist.